It’s not personal

     I consider myself a traveler not a tourist. I think that comes from my childhood of living in foreign places and not seeing my self as an outsider. My father was transferred from Tacoma Washington, where I was born, to Clark AFB in the Philippines when I was only three months old. So I became a world traveler very young. Because of the Vietnam War we were stationed on bases that supported the war since my father was a navigator on large transport plans for MAC, or military airlift command. He flew planes loads of troops and equipment in and out of Vietnam for the entire course of the war

          My first trip to Paris was a day trip on the Eurostar from London. I wanted to see what Paris was like and if I would want to go back. This was during the time of “freedom fries” and I wasn’t happy with their politics. Now we look back and admire their foresight. We had picked up Vietnam when they left. I fell in love the minute a climbed up the steps from the metro station in front of the Arc de Triomphe, my first above ground view of Paris. I climbed to the top and got my first sight of the Eiffel tower. That trip we saw the Eiffel tower and Notre dame before taking the train back to London. Smitten I soon planned another trip with four days in Paris and three in London. This trip I saw the museums. The most impressive object at the Louvre to me was Winged Victory. I don’t understand the fascinations with Venus de Milo and the Mona Lisa with the large impressive Winged Victory of Samothrace in the same building, guarding the entrance to the Denon wing. The summer after I finished chemotherapy I gave myself a two week trip back to Paris. I had been accepted to a one week writing conference and stayed an extra week pretending to be an expat. My first Sunday back in Paris was a free Sunday at the Louvre. So I joined the throngs at opening and made my way back to visit Winged Victory. I have a great photo of a crowd all moving in the same direction up the steps in front of her.

     Back before Cody’s books on Fourth Street in Berkeley closed, (a whole other topic) I came upon a small paperback with Winged Victory of Samothrace on the cover. It was a daytime photo all beiges showing the huge stone base at the bottom. I picked up the book based on the cover and the title “The Art of Living”, the modern interpretation of Epictetus, by Bay Area philosopher Sharon Lebell. You can judge a book by its cover in today’s age of marketing. Many a student of writing asks established writers about their cover. And many a writer has complained about the cover of their novel. And I’m worried about the covers of books I have yet to write. We all want them to look impressive on our friends and families bookshelves. But this was the perfect cover. Winged Victory does symbolize the freedom that can be had by disentangling our feelings from events and facing forward outstretched with a strong base beneath us.

     I’ve kept this book on my nightstand ever since, picking it up and reading a passage a random whenever I need inspiration or positive thoughts to push my own out of the way. The passage that I found this week that I kept going back to is titled, “Events are Impersonal and Indifferent.” The passage begins with “All situations unfold as they do regardless of how we feel about them. Our hopes and fears sway us, not the events themselves.” Further down it says “Events themselves are impersonal, though judicious people certainly can and should respond to them in beneficial ways.”  What is happening in the economy and the fact that I’m struggling to find work is not personal.  Even the dog eat dog, elbowing to get jobs, in the “on call” catering world can get me down when the professional smoozers and players get the jobs. But it’s not personal, and someday this will be behind me.

Healthcare Reform

Four years ago this month I started chemotherapy for breast cancer. I thought that once I finished chemo, if I survived it and that cancer didn’t return, everything would be easier. Because right after I finished treatment and went back to work I was on an “I survived” high and nothing got me down. But just like any other high I did eventually come down, and life started to be hard again, and people were mean, and things weren’t fair, and I ended up where I am now. Which in some ways isn’t so bad, but still I get depressed and discouraged and feel like the future is dismal.

 While I’m spending my days in job search I worry about my loss of healthcare on August 14. Right now universal healthcare is a major topic because President Obama ran on that platform way before the economy took over as the number one crisis in the world. There seems to be a divide in America right now between those gainfully employed with healthcare taking advantage of all the slashed retail prices, and the rest of us, the unemployed, no health insurance, worrying about the rising costs of gas and food.  It surprises me that so many people still think that maintaining the status quo won’t ever affect them. Before I lost my job I was acutely aware of the inequities in the current system. Having cancer for a well employed person with decent coverage was still very expensive. I’m now using unemployment insurance money to continue to pay those bills.

 My own very conservative parents, knowing that I won’t be able to buy coverage, do not support universal healthcare. My father, a retired Air Force officer called it socialism for the government to offer healthcare, to which I pointed out that is exactly what he’s had courtesy of the U.S. government his entire adult life. We haven’t discussed it since. But it’s shocking to me the number of people who want President Obama to be a failure. They don’t realize how lucky they are to be comfortable enough to think that way.